Purim

 

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WINE IN THE TANACH

1. Who was the woman suspected of drinking too much wine?

Abigail, wife of Nabal
Hannah, mother of Shmuel
Miriam, sister of Moses

2. Who was plied with drink by his daughters?

Zelofechad
King Saul
Lot

3. Who is described in the Bible as being 'very drunk'?

Nabal, the husband of Abigail
King Saul
Samson

4. Who was murdered in a drunken state?

Elah, son of Basha
King Ahab
Kilyon, husband of Orpah

5. Whose portion of the Land of Israel was blessed with wine?

Ephraim
Benyamin
Judah

6. Where in the Bible was a battle lost because of the drunkenness of the King and his officers?

King David's battle against Hadar'ezer, King of Tzova
King Ben Hadad of Syria's war against King Ahab of Israel
The Israelite tribes against Amalekites in the Sinai Desert

7. Who was the first person to get drunk in the Bible?

Cain
Noah
Adam

8. Who met his downfall at a wine banquet?

Gedalyahu
Haman
Absalom

One of the most unusual mitzvot of our Torah year is to drink on Purim until we cannot tell the difference between Haman the accursed and Mordechai the blessed.

We spend most of our waking hours thinking we know right from wrong. We sit in judgment on people and on issues. In the courtrooms of our minds we try our friends, our spouses, and humanity at large.

When we drink on Purim till we don't know the difference between Haman the accursed and Mordechai the blessed, we are admitting that there is only One Judge, and all our efforts to judge the world are like those of someone 'under the influence of alcohol.'

Answers (and thanks to Ohr Somayach!): 1. Channah, mother of Samuel (Samuel 1:14) 2. Lot. They thought they had to perpetuate mankind through him. (Bereshis 19:32) 3. Nabal, husband of Abigail (Samuel 1,25:339;27:3-30;30:5; Samuel 11,2:2) 4. Elah, son of Basha (Kings 1,16:1-14) 5. Judah (Bereshis 49:11-12) 6. In the battle between King Ben Hadad of Syria and King Ahab of Israel (Kings 1,20) 7. Noah (Bereshis 9:21-end) 8. Haman (Megillat Esther 7)

TOP 10 REASONS FOR NOT ATTENDING SHUL ON SHABBAT

10. I heard this Torah reading last year.
9. I was deeply offended by a speaker's racist comments about the Amalekite people.
8. I live in North Brunei.
7. "I am embarrassed by my name when called up to the Torah" heard from Boutros Boutros Ghalli
6. My last hagbahah was disqualified by the Ritual Committee after my blood test came back with traces of anabolic steroids.
5. Nobody sang with me at Kiddush when I started a round of "Ten Thousand Bottles of Kedem Sitting on the Western Wall.
4. My father-in-law is a Rabbi.
3. My mother-in-law is a Rebbitzin.
2. My stock broker is now attending services in a Federal Penitentiary.
1.. I am a Gentile - Jewishly challenged, to be politically correct.

TOP 10 WAYS TO KNOW WHEN YOU HAVE DRUNK ENOUGH ON PURIM

10. You hold a volume of the Babylonian Talmud upside down, thinking,'Hey, they finally decoded the human genome!'
9. You argue with hamentashen ... and lose.
8. You forget to open your eyes and instead grope around for the light switch. You finally find the light switch, flick it off and say, 'There.'
7. You think that calves' foot jelly is dessert.
6. You ask people how many candles they lit last night.
5. You begin speaking Yiddish with a Sephardic accent.
4. You dream that you are asleep.
3. You have a nightmare that you are awake.
2. You combust spontaneously.
1. You think this TOP TEN list is funny.